The Mom Zone: Pt ONE
Recently, I’ve been asked more than a handful of times but more than a handful of moms for advice on various topics that we face raising tiny humans. I guess when you have three of them under five years old, it does make you somewhat of an expert on littles. BIG emphasis on “somewhat” because I’m still going thru it all myself and have no actual titles behind my name that give me ANY credibility on the subject. But I know when I have questions, I’m asking my mom friends. I want the honest answers from people who just went through the same storm. So I want to provide a little safe space for any of my parents to find some honest and unsolicited mom advice on any number of subjects and common questions that have come up in my life recently!
First on the list: how do you tackle bedtime with multiple young kiddos when you’re alone? I remember this was THE BIGGEST fear of mine the first time I was faced with being outnumbered by my children in the evening. Up until that first time, we were very much playing man-to-man coverage. We have a pretty thorough bedtime routine, and I had zero clue how you could ever manage getting through it all with more than one kid on your own. Fast forward a few years and add on being outnumbered 3:1, these nights don’t send me into a doom spiral for a full week in advance anymore. We have a few key things that I think make this completely doable. So if you’re facing the same feeling of dread, I would encourage you to try these out yourself!
#1: If you can walk and talk, you can help. If you grew up in a big family, you probably had a variation of this rule. Families can’t operate if the only people helping are the adults. There’s just too much to do!! So if you’re able to walk and talk, you have to be helpful during bedtime. For our family that means my toddlers can either help me while I get our baby bathed and put to bed (think: fetch things for me, “help” with the bath, hold the bottle, etc.) OR they can play quietly in their rooms until it’s their turn. The key to this is having their rooms set up for success too: a couple items/toys that contribute to quiet play in a room that is already toddler-proofed to be safe without you having to constantly watch them. Once it IS their turn, we also practice what things they can do on their own based on what’s age-appropriate: going potty on their own, washing their hair, picking out pajamas, brushing their own teeth (mom always gets “finishing touches” rights though!!), etc. Bottom line: everyone is contributing to getting the family in bed, not just the one adult in the house.
#2: Figure out your order. If there’s only one of you and multiple of them, you do have to define an order of operations that makes sense for the kids you have. This not only applies to the order that you put them to bed but also the order that you do things while each one(s) are awake. For example, in the early days of having a newborn plus two toddlers, my newborn was very much the last one to go to bed. I wasn’t able to put her to bed and then tackle my older ones. So that order looked very different than today when I could potentially give them all a bath at the same time, put the baby to bed while the bigs do their own thing, and then circle back to them. Figure out what order makes sense for you! Do you batch certain tasks like baths, toothbrushing, story reading, etc? Or do you do one kid start to finish before tackling the next one?
#3: Set your bedrooms and bathrooms up for success. If I know I’m doing nighttime by myself, there’s a few things I’m making sure are squared away earlier in the evening to set myself up for success come time for the hairy pre-bed hour. I’m trying to make sure towels are literally sitting on the side of the tub for post-bath, pajamas are already picked out and ready for my bigs to just put on, that everyone’s water bottles are filled up and ready for nighttime, or that toys like a Toniebox or magnatiles (some of my go-to play-in-your-room-quietly toys) are in their rooms and ready to go. Having as many things I’m eventually reaching for already waiting in the places I need them make the process so much simpler so that I’m not running up and down flights or stairs or up hallways to find the things I need.
#4: Remind your kids you’re only one person and you need patience and help. Whenever I feel myself getting overwhelmed and feeling like I’m one toddler question away from flipping out, I take a breath and just get real with my kids. We’ve had plenty of conversations where I explain that I’m just one person, that I’m trying my best, and that I need a little extra patience and help because there’s more kids than parents that particular night. You’d be amazed how far that can go to shifting their attitudes and asking what they can do to help. In my experience, they aren’t trying to be bad or impatient. They just don’t realize you can’t do it all for everyone at the same time. A little reminder goes a long way.
I hope these little tidbits help you, and stay tuned for more! I believe in you, mama. You got this!
Alex